Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
