This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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