If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
