Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
