I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
