Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
