it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
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Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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