the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
