I wish I could teleport
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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