I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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