I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
