Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize