Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
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