Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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