But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
