Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize