fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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