I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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