It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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