It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
