At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I need a burrito and a hug.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
