I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Someone signed my nipple.
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