well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
