Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
