I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
