he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
