That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
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Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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