well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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