Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
