Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
