Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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