Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
