Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
