Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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