I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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