saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize