I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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