we have pet lesbian snakes
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize