Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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