She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
