She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
