Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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