i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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