i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You left your phone here
Wait...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
