god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she told me i tasted like america
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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