yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize