420 ftw
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
