he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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