Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
