dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
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WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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