some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
