This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
