Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
