I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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