Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
