We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
