peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
