He is an equal opportunity slut.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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