My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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