i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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