My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Holy sore nipples Batman
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
