Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
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Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
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Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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