Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize