Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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