she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
