dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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