Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
