you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
