Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
