It's Friday. Sex?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
