ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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