i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
