i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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