i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
