is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
