yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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