your parents love me but you hate me
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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