its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
