At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
At least life still wants to fuck me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
